As a result, we expected self-compassionate people to see their own show of vulnerability in a more positive light-closer to the way they perceive the same behavior in others. Such a compassionate reaction to one’s own vulnerability, in turn, could make it easier to be vulnerable with others. In addition, a mindful approach to the mistake would lessen the need to either exaggerate or deny its significance.
Instead they would remind themselves that imperfection comes with the territory for all mortal creatures. People who treat themselves as they would treat a good friend wouldn’t shame themselves for being imperfect. For instance, consider admitting a mistake. After all, vulnerable situations can trigger a lot of shame and fear, and these moments are precisely when self-compassion is most helpful.
My colleagues and I thought that self-compassion could influence how people perceive their own display of vulnerability. Finally, mindfulness entails clear awareness of the present moment-neither ignoring one’s difficulties nor exaggerating their magnitude. The second component-common humanity-refers to recognizing pain and failures as an unavoidable part of life. For instance, when someone is struggling with feelings of failure, Neff encourages people to imagine how they might speak supportively to a friend in that position and then apply similar thoughts to themselves. First, self-kindness entails a caring and understanding response toward one’s own suffering. According to Neff, self-compassion consists of three components. Today’s scientists, however, have researcher Kristin Neff of the University of Texas at Austin to thank for defining the concept in detailed psychological terms. Self-compassion originated from ancient Buddhist teachings. Our new experiments suggest that the concept of self-compassion can be of great help when it comes to finding beauty in the mess of one’s own shortcomings. Given these advantages, we next wanted to know how people could overcome the beautiful mess effect, with its differences in perception. An authentic apology, meanwhile, could repair a fractured relationship. For example, studies show that revealing personal information about oneself may i ncrease closeness and trust between partners. In a safe environment and with a responsive conversation partner, a vulnerable stance in close relationships may have tremendous benefits. It’s important to be aware of this mismatch because it can prevent people from sharing their true feelings and needs. We refer to this pattern of conflicting perceptions as the “beautiful mess effect.” Building on prior pioneering studies of vulnerability by researcher Brené Brown of the University of Houston, my colleagues and I conducted six experiments that revealed consistent results: Across a variety of situations, such as asking for help or admitting to a mistake, people perceived their own displays of vulnerability more negatively than others did. The good news is that, according to research, our worries about the negative evaluations of others may be exaggerated and frequently do not reflect the way people actually see us in difficult moments. Confessing romantic feelings, for example, could provoke a painful response if these sentiments are not shared, whereas disclosing one’s love for pizza is a low-stakes statement. Unlike other forms of self-expression or self-disclosure, these acts always carry risk, such as the possibility that others may perceive someone as weak or even incompetent in consequence. Two of my University of Mannheim colleagues-Sabine Scholl and Herbert Bless-and I have investigated these shows of vulnerability: moments of genuine, intentional emotional exposure, done in spite of one’s fears.
When i think of you how to#
That is why it is important to figure out how to openly articulate one’s feelings or thoughts even when that form of expression leaves us feeling exposed or uncomfortable. Unacknowledged feelings and frustrations rarely stay under the rug. That step can be excruciating and frightening, but keeping problems to ourselves can create even more long-term complications. Often the best way to break these cycles is to admit to others that we are having a hard time. When setting clear boundaries is in order, many of us may say “yes” to everything only to end up resenting everyone-including ourselves-for having too much on our plates. Or we may sulk when people close to us fail to guess our needs. We may blow up to let off steam, for instance, and not take responsibility for the harm our actions cause. But it’s difficult, even on a good day, to admit we are struggling, to ask for help or to apologize when we are out of line.Īfter two years of overwhelming stress caused by a global pandemic, many of us have become all too familiar with feeling vulnerable, and we have also grown adept at avoiding difficult conversations. We all have weaknesses, and we all know hardship.
0 kommentar(er)
